Ever notice that any large reaction, whether it be a storm, hurricane, tornado
or even a volcanic eruption, is the result of conflict?
A storm, for instance, happens when weather patterns clash.
Trouble in a marriage happens when two perspectives clash.
Trouble in finances happen when the desire for output clashes with the reality of input.
All our troubles are objectively a clashing of elements.
And the harder one side fights for itself (ego), the greater the battle becomes.
But what happens when we listen and accept the other side?
Say your partner wants to spend money on a vintage Nintendo box when he already has a bunch of man toys. You get annoyed-- wouldn't that money be better spent on a date night, groceries, savings, etc.? So you push back and what happens? A clash. A storm. Conflict.
Why? Because you have your own agenda for the relationship and for your finances.
And maybe you've invested a lot into that vision and here he comes to mess it up. So you fight for your vision, and things go bad quickly.
But lets consider that he works hard and that it is, afterall, his earnings. Sure, what's mine is yours, etc. But if you both work, I am sure he wants to indulge every once in a while. Just like you enjoy your Starbucks, he enjoys his little toys!
Let's just imagine if instead of jumping the gun and going on the defense, you accepted his desire/choice and tried
to look a little deeper. Why does he want this? What's the subtext here?
Is he bored with Covid, stressed out at work, having a midlife crisis, wanting a kid to play with?
What is the TRUE NEED?
All our decisions express a deeper need even when we don't realize it. And when we judge and shame those desires off the bat, we eliminate the prospect of deeper understanding, healing and intimacy. We make our others' needs shameful and unacceptable rather than expressions of their deeper reality.
When we start accepting other's desires and needs, and our own, we begin a process of harmony that calms the storm. And when the storm is calm, we are so much more productive and able to work together.
Give it a try?
20 Mins Session with Grace
30 Mins Session with Grace